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Dealing with Conflict

Situations of conflict with our donors and community members can lead to positive outcomes as long as appropriate conflict resolution skills are utilized. And yet, fundraisers and nonprofit organizations tend to avoid them.

As an experienced fundraiser once told me:

I’ll take a strong reaction, even if it is negative, over apathy any day.

Major Gifts Fundraiser

Lead with Active Listening and Empathy

Who are the experts in de-escalating highly agitated situations and lead them to constructive and safe outcomes? Even if your community members are probably not going to be physically violent, the techniques and research generated by the FBI can be helpful.

The Behavior Change Stairway Model was developed by the FBI’s hostage negotiation unit. This model offers five steps to get other people to see your point of view and change their behavior.

You can read the full paper here:

From Stanford’s Game Design Thinking blog

Behavioral Change Stairway Model

  1. Active Listening: Truly listen and make the other party aware that you’re listening.
  2. Empathy: Understand their position not only intellectually, but also emotionally. What are they feeling?
  3. Rapport: One the other party starts to feel that you understand them. Trust starts to build here.
  4. Influence: At this point, you can start to work on problem-solving with them. They may listen to your recommended course of action.
  5. Behavioral Change: They act.

Common Errors

Typically, people try to start directly with #4 (Influence) and expect #5 (Behavioral Change) to happen. This often leads to failure.

Going into a conflict-laden conversation saying “these are the reasons why your position is wrong” is unlikely to cause any behavioral change because human beings are primarily emotional.

Pretending that most people are completely rational will, more often than not, make your conversation fail.

Active Listening Techniques

General tips from Eric Barker’s blog:

  1. Listen to what they say. Don’t interrupt, disagree or “evaluate.”
  2. Nod your head, and make brief acknowledging comments like “yes” and “uh-huh.”
  3. Without being awkward, repeat back the gist of what they just said, from their frame of reference.
  4. Inquire. Ask questions that show you’ve been paying attention and that move the discussion forward.

Additional techniques used by FBI negotiators:

  1. Ask open-ended questions
    You don’t want yes-no answers, you want them to open up.
  1. Effective pauses
    Pausing is powerful. Use it for emphasis, to encourage someone to keep talking or to defuse things when people get emotional.
  1. Minimal encouragers
    Brief statements to let the person know you’re listening and to keep them talking.
  1. Mirroring
    Repeating the last word or phrase the person said to show you’re listening and engaged. Yes, it’s that simple — just repeat the last word or two:
  1. Paraphrasing
    Repeating what the other person is saying back to them in your own words. This powerfully shows you really do understand and aren’t merely parroting.
  1. Emotional labeling
    Give their feelings a name. It shows you’re identifying with how they feel. Don’t comment on the validity of the feelings — they could be totally crazy — but show them you understand.

Donor Conflict Resources

Never Split the Difference, book by Chris Voss

Vecchi, Gregory M. “Conflict & crisis communication: a methodology for influencing and persuading behavioral change.” Annals of the American Psychotherapy Association, vol. 12, no. 1, Spring 2009, p. 34+. Accessed 12 Sept. 2020.

Vecchi, G.M., Van Hasselt, V.B. and Romano, S.J., 2005. Crisis (hostage) negotiation: Current strategies and issues in high-risk conflict resolution. Aggression and Violent Behavior10(5), pp.533-551.

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Donor Participation Project

9/16/20 Lunch Analysis: Growing Engagement Among Underrepresented Groups

How have you tried to broaden your donor base and make it more representative? What has worked for you? What backfired?

As part of the Donor Participation Project, this Lunch Analysis session will be guided by Patrick Powell, AVP of Volunteer Engagement and Donor Philanthropy at Morehouse School of Medicine.

An expert in donor engagement and community-building, Patrick is part of one of the fastest-growing institutions in the country at Morehouse School of Medicine.

Brainstorm and Discuss this Topic With Peers During our September 16 Lunch Analysis

Lunch Analysis is a 45-minute meeting that is a part study group, part scholarly discussion, part brainstorming session, and part support group. Participation is open to all who fundraise or have fundraised at a nonprofit.

Each Lunch Analysis covers a specific topic in donor participation and has required preparation and discussion. This one will be on September 16, 2020 at noon EST.

Required Preparation

Take a moment to jot down the answer to the following questions:

  • What is the percentage of alumni giving/participation for your Black and or Latino donors?
  • Has leadership placed an emphasis on engaging donors of color at your institution?
    • If yes, what are the strategies or best practices you’re utilizing to identify and cultivate this constituent group(s)?
    • If no, what do you perceive the barriers are to these discussions? 
  • How has that impacted your desire to cultivate these specific groups if at all?
  • Have you experienced any success or rejection as a result? 

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Past Sessions

8/19/20 Lunch Analysis: How We Gather (Millenial engagement, community-building)

Participants

Adrian Annette Owen, CFRE, AVP for Advancement Services at LSU Foundation

Allison Kerivan, Director Of Annual Giving at Bentley University

Benjamin Osterhaut, Director of Annual Giving at Elizabethtown College

Billie Handa, Director of the Annual Fund, Denison University

Cameron Hall, Senior Director of Annual Giving at Texas Tech University

Hawken Brackett, Executive Director of Strategic Engagement at The University of Alabama

James Barnard, Executive Director of Annual Giving and Integrated Marketing at University of Cincinnati Foundation

Jayanne Sevast, Director of Development, Annual Campaigns at Kutztown University of Pennsylvania

Miriam McLean, Director of Development, University Initiatives at Tufts University

Patrick Powell, MBA, CFRE, Senior Development Officer at Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta

Sean Devendorf, Senior Director of Annual Giving, University Advancement at Tufts University

Sierra Rosen, Executive Director of Planned Giving at Brown University

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Donor Participation Project Resources

Donor Participation Project Kickoff: How We Gather Report

Angie Thurston of Sacred Design joined a group of fundraisers as part of the Donor Participation Project to discuss the implications of the How We Gather report for nonprofit engagement and donor participation.

The document below summarizes the main points discussed:

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Donor Participation Project Resources

8/19/20 (noon EST) Lunch Analysis

ANNOUNCEMENT: Research co-author Angie Thurston will be joining the discussion portion of the meeting!

Religious participation and giving is seeing the same decline as overall civic life participation.

The authors of this report study the “emerging landscape of Millennial communities that are fulfilling the functions that religious congregations used to fill.”

Angie Thurston and Casper ter Kuile discover and analyze successful communities with thousands of members (religious and non-religious, they include CrossFit for example) that bring meaning and purpose to its members, many of whom are Millenials.

As we struggle with how to involve people in general and Millenials in particular with our organizations, this is a surprising treasure-trove of ideas.

Brainstorm and Discuss this Report With Peers During our August 19 Lunch Analysis

Lunch Analysis is a 45-minute meeting that is a part book club, part scholarly discussion, part brainstorming session, and part support group. Participation is open to all who fundraise or have fundraised at a nonprofit.

Each Lunch Analysis covers a specific topic in donor participation and has required reading and discussion. This one will be on August 19, 2020 at noon EST.

To Take Part

  • Download and read the file above.
  • Choose one of the profiled communities and try it out: visit their website, sign up to their platform, join a newsletter.
  • Pick one element that you could apply to your own fundraising program right away. Prepare to share your thoughts!

Sign up here to get the Zoom details (I check that all participants are from legitimate fundraising organizations):

Join Us

James Barnard, Executive Director of Annual Giving and Integrated Marketing at University of Cincinnati Foundation

Tilghman Moyer, Vice President at Development at University of Arizona Foundation

Hawken Brackett, Executive Director of Strategic Engagement at The University of Alabama

Grant Kelly, Senior Director of Development at The Johns Hopkins University

Noah Maier, National Principal Gifts at OneforDemocracy.org

Michael Spicer, Director of Alumni and Parent Engagement at Pomona College

Colt Chambers, Director of Development at Georgia Ballet

Ivan Alekhin, Development Coordinator at National Parks Foundation